Understanding My father - Part II

Me Being Gay – Sigmund Freud’s Behavioral Theory Proved

 

I AM SO FRIGGIN’ GAY and I AM SO VERY LOVING IT

Thank you GOD for creating me thus,

Thank you dad for sowing your seeds,

Thank you Dr. Freud for helping me understand and

Most importantly, Thank you Mrs. Thomas for teaching me how to read and think…without you, all of this wouldn’t have been possible.

 

Though this particular multi-part series is dedicated to my father, I had a passing thought that it would be much more enjoyable to you, my lovely readers if I had to confess a bit. What’s life without a bit of gossip hey?

Well, instead of letting you imagine too many great things about my ever so simple life, I thought I could tell you a bit about myself and how I am proud of my father for having denied things in my childhood that has led me to being gay.

There are many scientists who have various theories on us, “gay folk” or in the words of my father “the degenerate homosexuals”. There was one lady doctor who proved that the size of a gay man’s hypothalamus is half the size of that of a “straight” man’s while another proved that it was the result of the societal influence that led us to being gay.

While there was one other scientist who proved that choice lets me “lead such a life” (I really wonder if a person would choose to live in a country that is so homophobic, constantly be on the search for that elusive “soul-mate” and in the meantime getting burnt by every single fling AKA relationships…perhaps that last “scientist” would have to rethink his theory on how one would willingly choose to live in persecution, discrimination and possibly on the receiving end for anything that goes wrong in the society), I am more inclined to look at the genetic hand-down through the mother’s genes coupled with the subconscious-suppression of childhood need.

For those of you who are not certain about what it is that I am blabbering, then let me make it simple for you. I AM GAY AND AM SO VERY PROUD OF IT.

As I believe in the words of the wonderful scientist who studied the size of the hypothalamus, I thank GOD with all my heart for having created me GAY. Dear GOD, I couldn’t have done it without you….thank you so very much for having made me the way I am and I pray that I am made just the same way for the n number of time you wish to reincarnate me.

Since I also believe in the suppression of childhood wants affecting adult behavior, I thank Dr. Sigmund Freud for having understood the concept and putting it out there for us to understand ourselves.

Sigmund Freud stated that when a child is consciously denied a particular want, which later is manifested into a subconscious denial, such a want does not vanish completely, rather it is reflected in the behavior once it grows up to be an adult.

My father denied the most important things that I, as a child, could crave for …that fatherly love, care, a tiny little embrace to transfer the warmth and make me feel secure that everything is alright and everything will be.

 Since the time I remembered and retained a lot of things in my memory, I never had felt either of the above mentioned items. Rather they were all replaced with fear, fear and more fear.

This led me to finding the fatherly love in the most unlikely places and from the most unlikely candidates who took sexual advantage of my teeny li’l body (at the age of three. Yes I was teeny back then and none the better now).

I looked for care and embrace amongst uncles who were more interested in making love to my throat. I looked for that sense of false security in that hairy embrace of strangers who left a void that could never be filled.

After all this, the only impression that each and every one of them left in my mind was that I had to “service” them for them to make me feel secure!!! Well such a “security” lasted exactly for “ELEVEN Minutes” and then they dressed in a hurry before my aunts or their wives could return back home!!!

Yes, I was naïve to think that such encounters would give me the sense of security but at the age of three to seven, aren’t we all meant to be naïve and not be exposed to sex so early???

Hence, life as I have known it has been a fun run. If you haven’t understood a word that I have said so long, then all I can say to you is J and for all of you that have understood every single word that is stated here……LOVE Y’ALL.

Understanding My Father

 – A multi-part series that can help you understand your father if he is something like mine!!!

I have been thinking that the reason that I am the way that I am could in a lot of ways be attributed to the relationship that I have “enjoyed with my biological father. Such an enjoyment of our bonding time is what makes me think of him as an asshole who is an absolute waste of space on this planet and who consumes oxygen that could have benefited someone else. His existence defiles that oxygen around him thus poisoning and killing every one of us.

No, I am not in my adolescence, but long past that stage and into my early thirties now. But my aversion and absolute disgust towards my father was instilled even before my adolescence. Even though people ask me to abide by the Christian law of forgive and forget (I was raised Christian but not anymore), I am able to forgive his misdeeds but forgetting the same is just not possible. Moreover, I suppose forgetting could become possible if the same misdeeds are not done over and again. So simply put, my father does things that would make the skin on SATAN crawl and he does such things so very often that I am not able to forgive or forget.

At times it makes me wonder if I am his son. Reasons….

1  The only part of my body that resembles him are my large toes!

2I don’t think nor act like him

3I don’t chew with my mouth wide open to distract a conversation with a half masticated goat in my mouth

4Most importantly vile language (Indian regional or English) finds it hard to pass my teeth while for my dad it’s like just another word!!!

Well, some of the most important words of his that has so deeply burrowed itself into my psyche would be…

“If you are my son, you won’t do it”

“If you are born to one father, then you would listen to what I have to say”

“Bastard” (sounds more disgusting when said in an Indian regional language)

“You would do that cuz you are born to a prostitute” (can’t replace the word prostitute with Commercial Sex Worker, since my dad says prostitute).

When my very own biological father asks me such questions, it makes me wonder if he really has been a man to have sex with my mother and then beget me, or was I born to some very sweet, noble hearted man who possibly died before I was born, hence my father had to take up my mother and me being the forever-reminder that I am not his?

Before I conclude this part, I would like to explain how my father looks;

He is 5’6” in height, very obese weighing up to 140 kgs. / almost 300lbs. and can’t even see his weenie,  grey hair, absolutely disgusting personal hygiene and not to forget the absolutely deplorable talk. Perhaps one of these days, I shall put a pic of his, so you could understand the “pig” that I have deal with on a daily basis.

Islamic Unity - Why The Delay?

THINGS WHICH EQUAL THE SAME THING ALSO EQUAL ONE ANOTHER 

                                              ~ Euclid's Axiom

Over the past few months, I have been thinking.... there are quite a lot of Islam-centric movies being made and most of such movies show Islamists as hard-core terrorists who bomb, cut throats, shoot and even blow themselves up for the cause of "jihad". I'm not too certain if y'all paid attention like I did, but movies like ARGO and Zero Dark Thiry (just to name two) seem to bring out the iner turmoils of Islam itself.

I'm sure y'all know that Islam has two major sects, the Shias and the Sunnis. The Sunni Muslims believe that Prophet Mohammed was the one and only prophet who was brought to the forefront by God the almighty, while Shias on the other hand believe that Ali (SIL and first cousin of Md.) should have been the true prophet, however he was deceived and the prophethood was stolen by Md.

Most of you must be wondering why on earth I am talking about this. Well it has been riling at me for a very long time that both these sects belive in one God "Allah" and both these sects follow the "Quran" to be the true word of God. When the two major aspects are common between both the sects, then why on earth would each of these sects want to exterminate the other???

Why can't both the Shias and the Sunnis just give up the sectarian attitude and just call themselves Muslims???

The way i see it, the constant war raging between the Shias and the Sunnis makes me wonder if these two sects actually have the time for "Allah" or do they only have time to give more importance to one mortal man who was or one who could have been the prophet.

Won't the Islamic nations become one of the most powerful in the world if only they could give up the need to kill over who the actual prohphet should have been? Won't the islamic nations be better of if the dont give a damn about Mohammed or Ali and just concentrate on Allah the benevolent and the merciful?

C'mon guys, both your sects belive in Allah and both of you read the Quran beliveing that it is God's own words. So why cant y'all just unite already???

If this is not enough to convince you, then think about the immense amount of power that you would have when you come together are one!!!

For your benefit, here is Euclid's Axiom paralleled to Islam

Sunni            =     Allah (God) + Quran (God's Word)

Shia              =    Allah (God) + Quran (God's Word)

Hence 

Sunni  = Shia

The Little Slaughtered Man

The latest picture of the war crimes in srikanka covered by channel 4 in the uk decidedly brought to mind just one old adage....fattened before the slaughter.

This particular set of pictures spoke volumes about the loss of humanity in our world. The first picture is one where this innocent child of 12 sat with a vacant expression, the next picture shows him eating something and the very next picture showed a lifeless body of the same child with five dark bullet entry wounds to the chest. The child was shirtless in all three pictures and is found wearing the same green shorts in all three.

Apparently, technologists state that all three pictures were shot from the same camera. But what is its point when such a picture shows a lifeless child lying in the middle of nowhere....dead.

Is the world really that thick-skinned to just stand by and witness such an atrocity? Wasn't such acts found in the pages of history which also talks about the downfall of large civilizations immediately after such acts? 

We in the twenty first century, are we senselessly bringing upon a destruction upon our own heads?

Technological advancements might claim various things with regards to the picture- when, where and how it was shot. But is all that going to bring back the child to life? Was he put to death just because he was the son of Prabakaran; leader of the LTTE group that was silenced.

If there is someone on this planet who wishes to speak for the voiceless or the dead at this point of time, then here is me challenging you....bring justice, make this child be heard.

Human lives are shed for various reasons but ain't it shameful to slaughter a human child after feeding it? Was such an act, really an act to prove somebody's sardonic and sarcastic way of looking at this child's life?

What was the Sri Lankan government thinking? Lets fatten this child and then slaughter it?

We are so very civilized that we now have PeTA to give voice to the four-legged voiceless, but do we have an agency that can give voice to the now-dead innocent children who were slaughtered for the "sins" of the fathers?

Hate Begets More Hate - Amir Kasab Hanging

November 26 of 2008 marked an unprecedented day that India could never have braced itself. A day when terrorism reared its ugly head in this peace loving nation; The day when Pakistani terrorists, infiltrated our border and wrecked havoc in 8 different places in Mumbai city. 

This city had already known the effects of terrorist attacks, however such attacks were only results of religious conflicts within the state. Hindus killed the Muslims and vice versa...all happening internally. To that very day, Mumbai was known as the city that can control its own population without an external resource ever needed. 

Perhaps it was the internal population check rendered ineffective or perhaps the heads of various political parties and religious factions could not keep their lashing tongue in check that they had to say something revolutionarily stupid, we may never know, but November 28 of 2008 marked the day when the well trained Lashkar-e-Taiba Islamist men infiltrated our land borders via the Arabian Sea.

After four years and many failed Clemency Petitions, Kasab was hanged on this "peace loving" soil at 7:30am IST on the 21st of November 2012.

Truth be said, like all Pathans, Ajmal was definitely good looking and as per his statements, if he did pursue a career in the cine-industry, I am sure that he could have made it really big. If the Indian cine-industry could make the khans and the kanths really big, then why not a Kasab?

Sadly, Kasab was first met by poverty, illiteracy and soon by the all-alluring promise of the leaders of Lashkar-e-Taiba Islamist group which amounted to PKR. 15,000.00. For a person whose father makes a living selling dahi puris, this particular amount sure did look like it would make a lot of ends meet for many more months to come; but the clause clearly stated that he cannot be captured.

This poor, little, handsome man, perhaps had a last minute change of mind that he actually was captured on the day of shooting, apprehended, spilled most of his guts in the “confession”, was tried and later hanged. Invariably, after four years, this handsome man did die. It makes one wonder if the promised amount was paid by LeT though the non-capture, non-disclosure clause was broken!

That aside, it makes one wonder…we call ourselves a peace loving country that was founded by a peace loving man (Mohandass K. Gandhi). Then how is it that our very own political and religious heads make such judgemental and hate-filled statements in-turn earning the hatred of others.

If having a lashing and tempestuous tongue was not enough, we went ahead and hanged that handsome Kasab for threatening the security of this country. If this country’s security can be that easily threatened then the fundamental questions that need answering are,

How good is our government and the military forces that it can’t even keep a tag on its boundaries?

Cant this government control the tongues or statements made by those who are not in power?

How good are our leaders, that they place us on the sacrificial altar as collateral damage?

Well, we the proud Indians have gone ahead and hanged Kasab (for those who didn’t know this, Ajmal Kasab did not even know the true meaning of Jihad....all that he knew was what he was taught in training - that it was mainly for the sake of immortality - for the sake of publicity).

We, a proud nation have gone ahead and dipped our hands in the blood of a man who was ignorant to what the truth was. We have killed someone who wasn’t to be blamed for his ignorance.

This act of hanging Ajmal Kasab did not end terrorism (‘cuz I still read reports of L-e-T, Tal and A-Q almost every other day) nor did it put the fear of death in the hearts of suicide bombers (does that sound ironic only to me?).

We have gone ahead and sealed our fate – not as country that would come out of its “third world” title. But as a country that would ever live in darkness and perish in ignorance. We hung a man who was ignorant, we celebrated that capital punishment and worst of all we have provoked other Islamist factions to wage their “Jihad” without understanding how holy and beautiful that word is.

Until Next Time

Jihad - A Beautiful Word Misued

Advice, Advise....two homophones with two distinct meanings. The former is a noun while the latter is used as a verb. It is understandable to be confused between the usage of both these words since  both these words sound alike with just one letter of the alphabet being changed in the words. 

This being an understandable case, how could one simply confuse, misunderstand and misuse one beautiful word that does not have another word with similar spelling or sound?

Jihad. Just a word. A word misunderstood and used at one's own whim and fancy. Why? simply because we are willing to listen and believe what another's screwed up version of the same is, rather than figuring out the answer for ourselves. The underlying reason...we are lazy to find the answer, so when someone spoon-feeds the information that we are looking for, then that simply makes it easier for us.

This word; Jihad is one of the most beautiful words that I had come across in the past. Jihad, simply means..............STRUGGLE. 

Struggle...that's all it means. The inner and the outer struggle to make oneself a better human - a better human who lives a meaningful life that can be shown as a beacon that can enlighten another's search in life.

A struggle where we as humans fight the inner demon to live a better life - a life where we live, not regretting what we do and making certain that what we do does not affect any living things.

A few days back, I was reading this heart-wrenching piece done about the 26/11 attack in India that showcased an interview with the poor soul that was hanged. According to this poor soul, he was taught that Jihad means publicity and the means for a person to become famous even after death. That made me think, was he taught that he would be immortalized after his so-called “martyrdom”???

Now ain't that a laugh??? Islam says that there is no other God on this planet or anywhere else save Allah, but these self-serving asses that recruit masses for terrorizing other countries actually give them the Idea of Immortalizing themselves once they have served the purpose of Jihad. 

Doesn’t this go against the rule of not having another God save Allah? Are these guys who are killing innocent lives in the name of Jihad lack reason that they blindly believe what another idiot has to say? 

Can’t they for once think and ask if what they are being taught is actually against the teachings of Islam? In which case, how could they go to the kingdom of heaven to be with Allah?

Apart from being lazy, I believe humans are being overtaken by the “dumbness-genes”. Perhaps this is why the beautiful word, Jihad is oft misused, misinterpreted and misunderstood!