Understanding My Father - Part III

Sigmund Freud’s Behavioral Theory Needs Amendment

In the previous part, you would have read Dr. Freud’s behavioral theory where the needs denied during childhood could have an adverse effect in adult behavior. In this part you are going to look at how the consciously denied needs of an adult affects behavior in the later stages….Proof? – My own living father Mr. Kelly Samuel

As you know, my father is fast approaching his 60s, is currently quite obese, unable to see his own toes, very ugly and not to forget that he is retired with a lot of time on hand and an absolutely idle mind!!!

He always reiterates a statement that when he was just approaching 30 he had to live his life according to timetable, that involved only work, mom & me and his so called “ ministry”! His claim is that such a timetable never let him have a social life and his constant transfers with the Indian banking system, had left too little of a personal life and way too much time to have idle thoughts viz a viz. is my wife cheating on me, is my son sucking the man next door, is my wife meeting my family members and updating them on my infidelities, etc.,

In all known manners my father has been a womanizer since time immemorial however; such an action of his does not give him the right to see everyone else in the same light. Though we know that it sure ain’t right to see others in the same light as one’s self, my father doesn’t and would not acknowledge it. He is under the impression that he is infidel and that makes everyone else infidel as well.

Coming back to the point of understanding what happens when an adult consciously suppresses a need… well, such a need is only repressed until that time he or she have more free time.

Well in this case, my father states that he had to fore go a lot of things in life since he had to stick to the timetable of providing for the family. Hence “needs” of his were not unconsciously forgotten. Rather, since it was a conscious effort to forget such needs, it has manifested itself in ways unimaginable.

One of the ways that I would like to coin at this point of time is that he has tried to have sexual relations with almost every woman in the family, especially if they belonged to my mother’s side. He has also tried sleeping with his own brothers’ wives, both of whom retaliated and that made him start looking for variety outside the family.

I could possibly conclude that this particular infidel character is much influenced by the Sagittarius trait that he possesses but it is more convincing if I had to pin it down to behavioral psychology (since Ms Radha from the University’s Psychology department stated that Psychology is a science that can be proved).

So remember, when an adult consciously makes an effort to suppress a need or a want, it only lays low in the conscious mind. When there is a lot of idle time for such a mind, it mills over what it had missed for so long and finds ways to re-live it.

In the case of my father, he had to suppress the need to fulfill the desires of his loin owing to reasons like the family, society and not to forget religion. Such a suppression has now led him to go against the family (the one for which he had lived life in accordance to a timetable) by sleeping with an underage girl with whom he has now successfully maintained a relationship for the past 10 years, go against the society by not giving a damn what it has to think or say and most importantly go against his own religion by violating one of the ten commandments…thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife.

Understanding My father - Part II

Me Being Gay – Sigmund Freud’s Behavioral Theory Proved

 

I AM SO FRIGGIN’ GAY and I AM SO VERY LOVING IT

Thank you GOD for creating me thus,

Thank you dad for sowing your seeds,

Thank you Dr. Freud for helping me understand and

Most importantly, Thank you Mrs. Thomas for teaching me how to read and think…without you, all of this wouldn’t have been possible.

 

Though this particular multi-part series is dedicated to my father, I had a passing thought that it would be much more enjoyable to you, my lovely readers if I had to confess a bit. What’s life without a bit of gossip hey?

Well, instead of letting you imagine too many great things about my ever so simple life, I thought I could tell you a bit about myself and how I am proud of my father for having denied things in my childhood that has led me to being gay.

There are many scientists who have various theories on us, “gay folk” or in the words of my father “the degenerate homosexuals”. There was one lady doctor who proved that the size of a gay man’s hypothalamus is half the size of that of a “straight” man’s while another proved that it was the result of the societal influence that led us to being gay.

While there was one other scientist who proved that choice lets me “lead such a life” (I really wonder if a person would choose to live in a country that is so homophobic, constantly be on the search for that elusive “soul-mate” and in the meantime getting burnt by every single fling AKA relationships…perhaps that last “scientist” would have to rethink his theory on how one would willingly choose to live in persecution, discrimination and possibly on the receiving end for anything that goes wrong in the society), I am more inclined to look at the genetic hand-down through the mother’s genes coupled with the subconscious-suppression of childhood need.

For those of you who are not certain about what it is that I am blabbering, then let me make it simple for you. I AM GAY AND AM SO VERY PROUD OF IT.

As I believe in the words of the wonderful scientist who studied the size of the hypothalamus, I thank GOD with all my heart for having created me GAY. Dear GOD, I couldn’t have done it without you….thank you so very much for having made me the way I am and I pray that I am made just the same way for the n number of time you wish to reincarnate me.

Since I also believe in the suppression of childhood wants affecting adult behavior, I thank Dr. Sigmund Freud for having understood the concept and putting it out there for us to understand ourselves.

Sigmund Freud stated that when a child is consciously denied a particular want, which later is manifested into a subconscious denial, such a want does not vanish completely, rather it is reflected in the behavior once it grows up to be an adult.

My father denied the most important things that I, as a child, could crave for …that fatherly love, care, a tiny little embrace to transfer the warmth and make me feel secure that everything is alright and everything will be.

 Since the time I remembered and retained a lot of things in my memory, I never had felt either of the above mentioned items. Rather they were all replaced with fear, fear and more fear.

This led me to finding the fatherly love in the most unlikely places and from the most unlikely candidates who took sexual advantage of my teeny li’l body (at the age of three. Yes I was teeny back then and none the better now).

I looked for care and embrace amongst uncles who were more interested in making love to my throat. I looked for that sense of false security in that hairy embrace of strangers who left a void that could never be filled.

After all this, the only impression that each and every one of them left in my mind was that I had to “service” them for them to make me feel secure!!! Well such a “security” lasted exactly for “ELEVEN Minutes” and then they dressed in a hurry before my aunts or their wives could return back home!!!

Yes, I was naïve to think that such encounters would give me the sense of security but at the age of three to seven, aren’t we all meant to be naïve and not be exposed to sex so early???

Hence, life as I have known it has been a fun run. If you haven’t understood a word that I have said so long, then all I can say to you is J and for all of you that have understood every single word that is stated here……LOVE Y’ALL.