Understanding My Father

 – A multi-part series that can help you understand your father if he is something like mine!!!

I have been thinking that the reason that I am the way that I am could in a lot of ways be attributed to the relationship that I have “enjoyed with my biological father. Such an enjoyment of our bonding time is what makes me think of him as an asshole who is an absolute waste of space on this planet and who consumes oxygen that could have benefited someone else. His existence defiles that oxygen around him thus poisoning and killing every one of us.

No, I am not in my adolescence, but long past that stage and into my early thirties now. But my aversion and absolute disgust towards my father was instilled even before my adolescence. Even though people ask me to abide by the Christian law of forgive and forget (I was raised Christian but not anymore), I am able to forgive his misdeeds but forgetting the same is just not possible. Moreover, I suppose forgetting could become possible if the same misdeeds are not done over and again. So simply put, my father does things that would make the skin on SATAN crawl and he does such things so very often that I am not able to forgive or forget.

At times it makes me wonder if I am his son. Reasons….

1  The only part of my body that resembles him are my large toes!

2I don’t think nor act like him

3I don’t chew with my mouth wide open to distract a conversation with a half masticated goat in my mouth

4Most importantly vile language (Indian regional or English) finds it hard to pass my teeth while for my dad it’s like just another word!!!

Well, some of the most important words of his that has so deeply burrowed itself into my psyche would be…

“If you are my son, you won’t do it”

“If you are born to one father, then you would listen to what I have to say”

“Bastard” (sounds more disgusting when said in an Indian regional language)

“You would do that cuz you are born to a prostitute” (can’t replace the word prostitute with Commercial Sex Worker, since my dad says prostitute).

When my very own biological father asks me such questions, it makes me wonder if he really has been a man to have sex with my mother and then beget me, or was I born to some very sweet, noble hearted man who possibly died before I was born, hence my father had to take up my mother and me being the forever-reminder that I am not his?

Before I conclude this part, I would like to explain how my father looks;

He is 5’6” in height, very obese weighing up to 140 kgs. / almost 300lbs. and can’t even see his weenie,  grey hair, absolutely disgusting personal hygiene and not to forget the absolutely deplorable talk. Perhaps one of these days, I shall put a pic of his, so you could understand the “pig” that I have deal with on a daily basis.